VALENTINE’S DAY—-What is it and what can we learn from this day?
In the United States, Miss Esther Howland is given credit for sending the first valentine cards. Commercial valentines were introduced in the 1800′s and now the date is very commercialised. The spirit of good continues as valentines are sent out with sentimental verses and children exchange valentine cards at school.
There is much to be said about what lessons can be learned from the topic surrounding Valentine’s Day. With the hot topic of “bullying” in the newspapers of late, schools can use this time to teach about emotions and good behavior and respect for one another. This topic has received increased attention over the past several years. The truth is, unfortunately, it is not a new problem. I can clearly remember my younger days and fellow students who manifested that type of behavior to me and, sadly, to others around me. I vividly remember the internal anguish I felt as classmates in the early years made fun of my clothing. I can remember the teacher’s stern rebuke to those students. I mention this to say that this is a behavior that I particularly detest.
What causes students to bully other students? Some experts profess that bullying is a learned behavior. Additionally, it is pretty clear that bullying is not just limited to children. Regrettably we have all seen far too many instances where we have felt that adults were being bullied. With the persistence of social problems, economic problems and the political bashing of one candidate to another, we see bullying and manipulative behavior as a normal part of our society.
U.S. Education Secretary, Arne Duncan, states that “I see bullying as ‘gateway behavior’ that later in a student’s life can lead to high school dropout, drugs, and criminal behavior.” This is all the more reason for this type of behavior to be prevented and addressed. There are negative consequences for both the victim and the perpetrator. Cyber bullying has grown from the popularity of the social networking sites and to some extent is a cause for banning these sites from school networks.
What approach do schools take in addressing this age-old problem with 21st century methods?
Susan Limber, a professor of psychology at Clemson University states that these are the ten best practices to be shared and executed:
1. Focus on the school’s social environment.
2. Assess bullying through formal assessments.
3. Garner staff and parent support.
4. Have a representative team coordinate efforts.
5. Train all staff.
6. Establish and enforce rules and policies.
7. Increase adult supervision in “hot spots.”
8. Intervene consistently and appropriately.
9. Focus some class time on prevention.
10. Continue efforts over time.
Our efforts are to teach students the “Golden Rule” but I am not naive to believe that bullying doesn’t happen in our district. With collaborative efforts of family and school we can help to teach our children that it is not accepted behavior. Give your child some ways to respond to bullies. Help your child develop ways to stand up for her/himself without losing her/his temper. Some ideas are:
Try to ignore the bully
Turn and walk away
Try not to show that she/he is angry or upset.
Tell a trusted adult (teacher, parent, coach, trusted friend)
Peers often know that a child is being bullied before any adults do. Tell your child that bystanders need to act. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away and may lead the bully to think that bystanders support what he/she is doing. Let the bully know that you disapprove of what he is doing. Persuade the victim to tell an adult or offer to tell an adult for the victim.
We should always model what loving behavior should be. Monitor what we say, how we act, and what we watch on TV, the Internet, etc. Take time to tell your children how much they mean to you and that you are proud of them.
QUESTIONS for you to think about….
1. What good things do you see in our school district that teaches students to respect each other?
2. What more do you think we could do to help in this area?
3. What do you do at home that you feel reinforces respect for others?
Here is some information to help you determine if your child is a bully:
Contrary to popular stereotypes, bullying is not a “kid thing” that evaporates as children grow up, says Donlin. “The negative behaviors of bullying just evolve as kids get more sophisticated,” he says. “It turns into hazing, sexual harassment, aggression and cyberbullying — all variations on the same thing.”
What to do
How can you tell if your child is a bully? Watch how your child treats other kids, experts advise. Monitor e-communications and pay attention to Facebook and other popular websites. “Notice whom your child hangs out with,” says Sheras. “Does he spend time with a tough crowd? Do other kids shy away from him?”
Let’s say your kid is one of those super-socially adept kids who have you — and the grown-ups around you — successfully seduced. Everyone (you, especially) sees this child as a charismatic leader. Then one day you get a call from school. It turns out your child has been bullying other kids. “The most important thing to do is stay calm,” says Normand. “Really listen to what the teachers are telling you, and don’t get defensive.” Then begin working with the teacher, administrators and counselors to find out what’s going on.
If the negative behavior doesn’t stop, consult a mental health professional, she advises. “You want to nip bullying in the bud.”
Other red flags to watch for? Bullies often like to dominate others, hide their behavior from adults, blame someone else for their problems and derive satisfaction from the fear or pain of others, says Normand. “They lack concern for the feelings of other people. It’s a piece of empathy they just don’t get.”
If you see a pattern like this beginning to emerge, take action. If you overhear your daughter chatting away on the telephone, spreading nasty rumors and gossiping about a classmate, take away phone privileges. “Tell your child, ‘If you’re not able to manage yourself, my job as a parent is to step in and manage things for you,’” suggests Normand.
And point out the negative behavior, she says. “Say, ‘I heard what you were saying and that’s bullying behavior. It is not OK to treat people that way.’”
Linda Morgan, ParentMap’s associate editor, writes frequently on education issues.
Signs your child is a bully
- She (or he) is aggressive, even toward adults.
- She likes pushing around and teasing other children.
- She dominates and manipulates.
- She is a smooth talker in tough situations.
- She is easily frustrated.
How families can help prevent bullying
- Create a home environment of tolerance, where differences are celebrated and everyone feels valued.
- Encourage your school to develop policies and procedures regarding bullying.
- Ask for a bullying prevention program to be implemented in your school.
- Intervene every time you witness bullying behavior.
- If your child bullies others, provide predictable, consistent, matter-of-fact consequences.
- Support the child who is bullied. Work with the school to provide your child with effective protection against retaliation.
- Encourage bystanders to speak out against bullying behavior and to report it to adults.
- Spend time with your child. All children need a daily, personal connection with parents, teachers and other caring adults.
Source: Washington State Office of the Education Ombudsman
I must apologize for not having a Superintendent Roundtable meeting the second quarter. The next meeting will be held on Tuesday, February 7th at 6 PM in the HS library. If there are any issues and/or concerns that you have never hesitate to call my office. 781-2110 (direct line)
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